...well. I... I mean. [How do you tactfully say "dude you know what's wrong with me" without saying it like that.] I don't remember much of my past...
But I did think that photo was real from the moment I got it, and the journal entries too. Those people in there were us when we were little. It's... kind of hard not to recognize you.
[sorta gay but moving on—]
I guess I'm kind of sad that we were friends for that long, and I didn't know that. Sorry...
... No one else here has even heard of the El, and you still just accept that we've all met before? [he sighs, hat tilted back up to give Elsword a flat look... but really, he should've seen that coming.
Add sits himself upright, pulling out of their cozy embrace so he can sit a little more... normally. Not that he's leaving the hug or general proximity, but it's hard to talk when he's folded over with his head on Elsword's chest. He stares straight ahead, choosing to ignore how well they slot together like this.]
It's a complicated story. I'll explain everything later, but...
She was trapped by the forest, while the rest of us escaped and forgot it all. She was... waiting for me.
[even though he didn't remember... she still did so much for him. she still wanted him to be safe. and what did he do for her in return?]
[Elsword nodding like uh-huh :) of course he'd just accept this, that means he's got friends :D
He patiently waits for Add to adjust... he's thinking the same thing. It's what he said to Mizuki and Caoimhe, "we fit well together", and god fuck no not right now this is not the time to stew in the remnants of feelings. Focus. Focus.]
...we escaped? Wait— didn't Chung mention that green thing in the woods knew his name? [Hm. The dots...] Is that why...?
[Ah, but...]
I don't know if I entirely get it, but it sounds like something awful happened. But why did we go back to Elrios instead of trying to save everyone?
["I'll explain later" he says and Elsword's hero brain is like, no no, I need to know the deep lore.]
I said I'll explain later— [SIGHS elsword why are you like this] Those parts aren't important right now. Would you pay attention?
[which begs the question... what parts are important? he's getting a bit flustered, close to chickening out of all this sharing nonsense. and after Elsword practically begged to know more about him...
deep breaths, Add. this isn't just about you anymore. he... needs to be more responsible.]
I got upset. I... said the wrong thing. She probably thinks I hate her now.
I doubt that's true. Everyone says wrong things sometimes. [Elsword has foot-in-mouth syndrome pretty often!] But... you know, you're gonna have to say sorry if you feel that way. I can go with you, if you want, for moral support.
Where is she at, anyway? We can invite her over for dinner, and you guys can talk and stuff.
[Well what the fuck does he say to that one. This is why he's not the advice friend. He's the beat-it-with-your-sword friend. He's the friend who hugs and says weirdly, profoundly soft shit, but he sure as hell doesn't know how to fix problems. This is not a problem he can beat to death.
Uhhhhhh.]
...maybe there's a way to contact her somehow. You could leave a note. Try to stick it underneath the fog. ...Can you even do that...?
[ugh why couldn't it have just been a huge forest monster that kidnapped her instead of this, then maybe his idiot friend would have better advice]
I know where she lives. I think. [thank El he got that out of her early on, otherwise he'd be screwed right now] I... also have something to get there. Through the fog.
[but if it doesn't look like he's jumping at the chance to chase after her... well.
to get to her, he'd have to go back into the forest. this is the closest he's come to the fog wall since his return.]
Maybe. It's good to give people space when they're upset.
[That's sort of why Elsword didn't immediately run out after Add. Clearly he needed time to process; it seems like it was time well-spent, in some ways. He's at least saying what's on his mind for once, which is a step in the right direction.
But, he thinks something more important has to be said here. Nevermind the thing Add seems to have that'll let him get through the fog, nevermind knowing where she lives. Elsword has parsed by this point that the fog is dangerous — it wasn't hard to tell that much, even on his first day here. The fog is keeping them in, and keeping other things out.]
Hey. [His brow furrows.] Promise me you won't disappear on me completely again if you go. I don't... I don't want to lose you again. It was hard enough the first time.
[Right. It's okay for him to give her space... but he doesn't want to leave her alone, either. So he shouldn't wait too long... but then there's the forest...
he sighs, again, the heaviest thus far, face in his hands. what a fucking mess he's gotten himself into.]
... I already promised a dozen times. I won't. [and he really, truly means it, because going back into that forest by himself sounds like a terrible idea. he doesn't want to say it, but he's scared. he's not sure if he even could go in there right now.
that, and... he spreads a few fingers, peering through them to the splinted leg still sticking out towards the river. yeah.
[No, promise him more, as El Search Party members it cannot be understated how stupid and reckless the both of them are. Someone's going to find himself in danger somewhere. A promise isn't going to prevent anyone from getting gored by a monster, but still.]
Let me help you. ...oh! Add. [Vague excitement!!] There's a map of the Grove in my room, and it includes a bunch of stuff that we can't get to. Would that help you? You said you know where it is, but it might be good in case you get turned around.
That... would be very useful, actually. [he said he knows where she lives, but it's more like she told him to get the glasses to navigate the woods and find a church... she didn't actually tell him where in the woods the church is. he kinda hoped it would just be obvious.]
I'll make a copy of it with Dynamo. And perhaps a backup in paper wouldn't hurt... I can try to map out some of the paths as I go. It could come in handy later.
There's a temple and an ocean on it, too. I didn't know we were close to an ocean.
[It's hanging up on the wall in his room, so Add might've seen it before in passing. Fun facts, Elsword is not waiting, they are going to go look at the map now. Add said it would be useful they're getting up.
And by "they" obviously I mean "Elsword scoops Add up off the forest floor and just carries him off".]
Let's go look at it now. It's best to get an early start, right?
[He makes an embarrassed squeak at being picked up, but he's not immediately wriggling for freedom, so... progress? He is, unfortunately, getting used to being princess carried.
He can tell Elsword is trying to distract him, though. It's... kind of nice? For some reason it feels different from when Add is the one trying to change the topic. Is it because he actually spoke about something openly for once? or... is it because it's Elsword?]
... About what I said before. I'm sorry.
And... thank you.
[he feels a little dizzy, heart pounding softly in his ears... he must've been sitting out here too long.
Add clears his throat, tilting the brim of his hat back down.]
If anyone asks, this conversation didn't happen... actually, just say we discussed what happened at the meeting. I already forgave you so it's fine to say that we're on good terms again. Everything else is a personal matter, so no one needs to know about that. And don't mention anything strange that might give people ideas. I don't want to leave a bad impression.
I can't believe they actually thought we're in a relationship... ridiculous. I'm too busy for frivolous things like that.
[Elsword slightly tightens his grip on Add, pointedly staring ahead as his footsteps slow down a small bit. Something hurts somewhere deep down; he's not sure why.]
Ha, yeah. I never thought you'd be interested in something like that anyway.
[Add was long gone by the time everyone pointed out that Elsword might, allegedly, probably, be harbouring some not-friends feelings somewhere deep within. Maybe that's for the best; Elsword doesn't need to be scrutinized for it. He's not supposed to be feeling things anyway, even though their last several encounters have led to him feeling a bit... odd, he supposes is the word he'd use.
Here they are now, and Add is putting that distance between them. A firm no, and Elsword respects it. Of course he does. He has to wonder if he's just got ideas in his head because everyone else does, or...
...
Well, it's not like he... wouldn't... kiss Add if Add wanted— brain stop that.]
You... uh, you probably wouldn't ever want to do something like that, huh?
[He hasn't checked Dynamo's meeting notes yet... but when he does, and gets to that part of the recording, he'll probably shut it off and wipe the clip from his systems. Elsword's gay thoughts are safe.
Add wheezes out a laugh, trying not to sound anxious (sounding really anxious).] Me? Romantically involved? Of course not. You're my patient, that would be wildly unprofessional, not to mention the power imbalance. It was just a simple misunderstanding, don't let it bother you so much.
[Besides, it's not like Elsword is strapped for suitors. He's seen the way Aisha ogles him. Eve, too... he spent years trying to make her look at him like that, so he'd know. And Elesis would probably kill him if he ever...
—not that he would. He's a scientist. His is a purely scientific interest.
... it's a pointless thing to dwell on, because he's sure Elsword doesn't think of him that way. He calls Add a friend, sure, and he's overwhelmingly kind and thoughtful... but Elsword is like that with just about everyone. It would be foolish to interpret his kindness towards Add as anything more.
That must be why Elsword sounds so awkward. His kindhearted nature is being misinterpreted as something romantic, possibly even sexual...
Ugh, they desperately need a topic change. Add clears his throat (again).]
Do you find the accusation embarrassing? ... That is an emotion. You're making good progress.
[Yep. Figures. Elsword takes the rejection (he wasn't really asking) easily, and does not think about the "???" emotion that's trying to escape containment right now. He cannot. He will not. There are ideas in his head, seeds planted by people who had the wrong idea. That's it, that's all, Add is firmly not interested in anyone else (other than like, maybe one chaotic, virus-infected robot girl) and he's certainly not interested in a guy who has maybe 2% of his brain functioning at any one moment.
His face feels hot. Same thing happened when BB kissed him, but now it's worse somehow. That was just momentary fluster.]
It's against medical code to date a patient, yeah. [Surely Elrios has some ethical code like that or something.] It doesn't bother me.
[Lying he's lying the boy is a liar—]
I guess I do feel kind of embarrassed, yeah. I... [Still not looking at Add, still looking elsewhere. Kind of off to the side now, actually.] ...a lot happened, that's all. I found some more mirror shards when I left.
[And neither of them have been helpful in identifying the ??? that he's been experiencing since their little rendezvous on the fucking floor.]
[He says he's not bothered, but it's not hard to pick up on the signs... this is Elsword, Knight of Few Emotions, after all. Showing pretty much anything is a total giveaway.
Curiosity starts to get the better of Add, tipping his hat back up by juuust enough to peer through the visor...]
More of those mirror shards, huh? [he's trying not to sound irritated... he still doesn't completely trust that Trader, though. but moving right along—] What sorts of things did you see, then? As your doctor, you need to keep me updated on these matters.
[They're quickly approaching the house, and if this were an ordinary day — like, Elsword scooping Add up because he Can and not because Add's leg is broken — he might've already set Add down. Unfortunately, someone has a broken leg, and that means he's getting carried all the way up to the front door, where Elsword has to sort of shuffle him around so that he's sitting pretty on the knight's forearm while he unlocks the door. Sometimes he wonders if there's a point to keeping the house locked up, like he doesn't live with four other people and Caoimhe isn't regularly in their chandelier sleeping, but he's doing it anyway.
With the door open, it's just a matter of kicking it closed behind him, putting his key on the end table next to the door, and heading upstairs. To the map they go!]
Well, one of them was when you guys were teasing me over something. [Just. Deadpan. You guyz r mean 2 him :(] I didn't get to see what it was, but Elesis put me in a headlock and gave me a noogie, and you were doing that thing you do when you're trying not to laugh. Aisha was keeled over laughing...
[He wishes he knew what the hell he said or did!! But he got two shards, and he hasn't explained the second one quite yet. Just as they make it to Elsword's room and he actually deigns to put Add down at the desk, he murmurs,]
...and then the other one was you all pulling me from the El. That one had a lot of weird... warm fuzzy feelings attached to it. I guess I never expected you guys to come get me, somehow.
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no subject
You've already met her. [but, wait, this is gonna be hard to explain from here. he needs to back up a little first. from the top...]
That photo from before... what would you think if I said it was real? If we've all been here before, but don't remember it.
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But I did think that photo was real from the moment I got it, and the journal entries too. Those people in there were us when we were little. It's... kind of hard not to recognize you.
[sorta gay but moving on—]
I guess I'm kind of sad that we were friends for that long, and I didn't know that. Sorry...
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Add sits himself upright, pulling out of their cozy embrace so he can sit a little more... normally. Not that he's leaving the hug or general proximity, but it's hard to talk when he's folded over with his head on Elsword's chest. He stares straight ahead, choosing to ignore how well they slot together like this.]
It's a complicated story. I'll explain everything later, but...
She was trapped by the forest, while the rest of us escaped and forgot it all. She was... waiting for me.
[even though he didn't remember... she still did so much for him. she still wanted him to be safe. and what did he do for her in return?]
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He patiently waits for Add to adjust... he's thinking the same thing. It's what he said to Mizuki and Caoimhe, "we fit well together", and god fuck no not right now this is not the time to stew in the remnants of feelings. Focus. Focus.]
...we escaped? Wait— didn't Chung mention that green thing in the woods knew his name? [Hm. The dots...] Is that why...?
[Ah, but...]
I don't know if I entirely get it, but it sounds like something awful happened. But why did we go back to Elrios instead of trying to save everyone?
["I'll explain later" he says and Elsword's hero brain is like, no no, I need to know the deep lore.]
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[which begs the question... what parts are important? he's getting a bit flustered, close to chickening out of all this sharing nonsense. and after Elsword practically begged to know more about him...
deep breaths, Add. this isn't just about you anymore. he... needs to be more responsible.]
I got upset. I... said the wrong thing. She probably thinks I hate her now.
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I doubt that's true. Everyone says wrong things sometimes. [Elsword has foot-in-mouth syndrome pretty often!] But... you know, you're gonna have to say sorry if you feel that way. I can go with you, if you want, for moral support.
Where is she at, anyway? We can invite her over for dinner, and you guys can talk and stuff.
[haha. ha.]
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I said I wasn't her brother, and I didn't know anything about her... and then she ran into the fog.
[so, dinner might be a little delayed.]
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[Well what the fuck does he say to that one. This is why he's not the advice friend. He's the beat-it-with-your-sword friend. He's the friend who hugs and says weirdly, profoundly soft shit, but he sure as hell doesn't know how to fix problems. This is not a problem he can beat to death.
Uhhhhhh.]
...maybe there's a way to contact her somehow. You could leave a note. Try to stick it underneath the fog. ...Can you even do that...?
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I know where she lives. I think. [thank El he got that out of her early on, otherwise he'd be screwed right now] I... also have something to get there. Through the fog.
[but if it doesn't look like he's jumping at the chance to chase after her... well.
to get to her, he'd have to go back into the forest. this is the closest he's come to the fog wall since his return.]
... maybe I should give her some space first...
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[That's sort of why Elsword didn't immediately run out after Add. Clearly he needed time to process; it seems like it was time well-spent, in some ways. He's at least saying what's on his mind for once, which is a step in the right direction.
But, he thinks something more important has to be said here. Nevermind the thing Add seems to have that'll let him get through the fog, nevermind knowing where she lives. Elsword has parsed by this point that the fog is dangerous — it wasn't hard to tell that much, even on his first day here. The fog is keeping them in, and keeping other things out.]
Hey. [His brow furrows.] Promise me you won't disappear on me completely again if you go. I don't... I don't want to lose you again. It was hard enough the first time.
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he sighs, again, the heaviest thus far, face in his hands. what a fucking mess he's gotten himself into.]
... I already promised a dozen times. I won't. [and he really, truly means it, because going back into that forest by himself sounds like a terrible idea. he doesn't want to say it, but he's scared. he's not sure if he even could go in there right now.
that, and... he spreads a few fingers, peering through them to the splinted leg still sticking out towards the river. yeah.
he's not hiking through the woods any time soon.]
I need some time to think. Make preparations...
no subject
Let me help you. ...oh! Add. [Vague excitement!!] There's a map of the Grove in my room, and it includes a bunch of stuff that we can't get to. Would that help you? You said you know where it is, but it might be good in case you get turned around.
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I'll make a copy of it with Dynamo. And perhaps a backup in paper wouldn't hurt... I can try to map out some of the paths as I go. It could come in handy later.
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[It's hanging up on the wall in his room, so Add might've seen it before in passing. Fun facts, Elsword is not waiting, they are going to go look at the map now. Add said it would be useful they're getting up.
And by "they" obviously I mean "Elsword scoops Add up off the forest floor and just carries him off".]
Let's go look at it now. It's best to get an early start, right?
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He can tell Elsword is trying to distract him, though. It's... kind of nice? For some reason it feels different from when Add is the one trying to change the topic. Is it because he actually spoke about something openly for once? or... is it because it's Elsword?]
... About what I said before. I'm sorry.
And... thank you.
[he feels a little dizzy, heart pounding softly in his ears... he must've been sitting out here too long.
Add clears his throat, tilting the brim of his hat back down.]
If anyone asks, this conversation didn't happen... actually, just say we discussed what happened at the meeting. I already forgave you so it's fine to say that we're on good terms again. Everything else is a personal matter, so no one needs to know about that. And don't mention anything strange that might give people ideas. I don't want to leave a bad impression.
I can't believe they actually thought we're in a relationship... ridiculous. I'm too busy for frivolous things like that.
no subject
Ha, yeah. I never thought you'd be interested in something like that anyway.
[Add was long gone by the time everyone pointed out that Elsword might, allegedly, probably, be harbouring some not-friends feelings somewhere deep within. Maybe that's for the best; Elsword doesn't need to be scrutinized for it. He's not supposed to be feeling things anyway, even though their last several encounters have led to him feeling a bit... odd, he supposes is the word he'd use.
Here they are now, and Add is putting that distance between them. A firm no, and Elsword respects it. Of course he does. He has to wonder if he's just got ideas in his head because everyone else does, or...
...
Well, it's not like he... wouldn't... kiss Add if Add wanted— brain stop that.]
You... uh, you probably wouldn't ever want to do something like that, huh?
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Add wheezes out a laugh, trying not to sound anxious (sounding really anxious).] Me? Romantically involved? Of course not. You're my patient, that would be wildly unprofessional, not to mention the power imbalance. It was just a simple misunderstanding, don't let it bother you so much.
[Besides, it's not like Elsword is strapped for suitors. He's seen the way Aisha ogles him. Eve, too... he spent years trying to make her look at him like that, so he'd know. And Elesis would probably kill him if he ever...
—not that he would. He's a scientist. His is a purely scientific interest.
... it's a pointless thing to dwell on, because he's sure Elsword doesn't think of him that way. He calls Add a friend, sure, and he's overwhelmingly kind and thoughtful... but Elsword is like that with just about everyone. It would be foolish to interpret his kindness towards Add as anything more.
That must be why Elsword sounds so awkward. His kindhearted nature is being misinterpreted as something romantic, possibly even sexual...
Ugh, they desperately need a topic change. Add clears his throat (again).]
Do you find the accusation embarrassing? ... That is an emotion. You're making good progress.
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His face feels hot. Same thing happened when BB kissed him, but now it's worse somehow. That was just momentary fluster.]
It's against medical code to date a patient, yeah. [Surely Elrios has some ethical code like that or something.] It doesn't bother me.
[Lying he's lying the boy is a liar—]
I guess I do feel kind of embarrassed, yeah. I... [Still not looking at Add, still looking elsewhere. Kind of off to the side now, actually.] ...a lot happened, that's all. I found some more mirror shards when I left.
[And neither of them have been helpful in identifying the ??? that he's been experiencing since their little rendezvous on the fucking floor.]
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Curiosity starts to get the better of Add, tipping his hat back up by juuust enough to peer through the visor...]
More of those mirror shards, huh? [he's trying not to sound irritated... he still doesn't completely trust that Trader, though. but moving right along—] What sorts of things did you see, then? As your doctor, you need to keep me updated on these matters.
no subject
With the door open, it's just a matter of kicking it closed behind him, putting his key on the end table next to the door, and heading upstairs. To the map they go!]
Well, one of them was when you guys were teasing me over something. [Just. Deadpan. You guyz r mean 2 him :(] I didn't get to see what it was, but Elesis put me in a headlock and gave me a noogie, and you were doing that thing you do when you're trying not to laugh. Aisha was keeled over laughing...
[He wishes he knew what the hell he said or did!! But he got two shards, and he hasn't explained the second one quite yet. Just as they make it to Elsword's room and he actually deigns to put Add down at the desk, he murmurs,]
...and then the other one was you all pulling me from the El. That one had a lot of weird... warm fuzzy feelings attached to it. I guess I never expected you guys to come get me, somehow.