I... [who the fuck is Ain?? whatever, that's probably not important] He seems to do that sometimes. Maybe because he was overwhelmed? [that's Add's running theory, anyway, because he got so excited about a mind control program that he turned bitey... he's not gonna worry about it. Mizuki is just like that.
The kissing, though, that does bother him. When Elsword mentions gifts, he's already starting to crackle with static like he's going to explode... Mizuki is courting his boyfriend?? After he thought he finally found someone who could understand him, who'd listen to anything he asks, and then he goes and pulls this betrayal...
but Elsword is still explaining the events, and as he gets to that last part before the kiss... his jealously boils over, a loud crack echoing through the room.]
You were flirting with Mizuki?! You... do you even listen to your own idiotic words?!
[he is SO fucking pissed Elsword didn't say that to HIM? what the fuck.]
I— was that flirting? I just said what was on my mind. [This is why the entire ESP wants to make out with him.] ...I'm sorry, Add, really.
[Feel those (very distant, diluted, under 16 layers of mud and sediment) sad emotions, Add, you're getting them. Elsword is making the same face a puppy makes when you yell at it right now. Guilty, a touch disappointed in himself... he really has no idea what the hell he says when he says it, which might explain why everyone in his life tries to kiss and bite him every three seconds.]
But this whole thing is why I came to talk to you rather than hiding it. And he apologised a lot, and he helped me clean the wound out and bandage it, so I don't know if he really meant it other than just impulse. [You know when you get the sudden impulsive urge to kiss someone? Kind of like how Elsword did when they first hooked up? Yeah.] ...I'm still sorry though. I didn't mean to accidentally flirt with Mizuki. Can I make it up to you? Do you want a kiss?
[Even after the apology, he's still fuming. This is exactly why he had so much trouble before! How was he ever supposed to figure out Elsword liked him when he's like this with everyone?! It's completely unfair.
He's mad, absolutely... but there's also a tinge of fear beneath the surface. What if... Elsword doesn't love him after all? What if he feels this way for everyone? If Add isn't "special"... he could be replaced by anyone, couldn't he? The idea of something like that happening...
he doesn't want Elsword to have anyone else. it has to be Add, and only Add... he can't become replaceable, not here, not like this.
but he stamps down his feelings, ignoring the licking embers of his rage and paranoia to focus on what he can do. Mizuki wouldn't betray him so blatantly. It was a mistake. They can fix this.]
... I'll talk with him. It was a misunderstanding.
[His tone is cold, looking away from Elsword as he speaks. He's still thinking of those heartfelt words, directed at someone other than him... he wants to say he forgives him, but he's still upset. If all he wanted was to play along, that would be the best option, but if he wants their feelings to stay real and honest... if he wants to believe Elsword can love him...]
I don't know. If nothing could stop you from being happy with him... what's there left to say to me, hm? It sounds like you don't need me around at all.
If you get on your knees and beg for my mercy... I'll consider it.
[Elsword was going to go for a hug, but... ah... okay. No, this is fine, he probably owes Add like three thousand bouquets and homemade chocolate and stuff. Shit.
There's no hesitation in the choice. Elsword stands from where he's leaning, pulls his hands out of his pockets, and kneels on the floor. And then... sits on it, back on his calves, and reaches out for one of Add's hands. If he's allowed to have that much, he'll press it to his cheek and hold it there, and lay his head in Add's lap too. It's a step further than begging for mercy, perhaps.
His eyes flutter shut.]
I'm not gonna beg you for forgiveness if you don't think I deserve it, [yet he's prostrating himself before Add anyway,] 'cause that's your decision to make. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry for screwing things up constantly. I know it doesn't mean much when I keep doing it, but I'm going to keep trying. For you. Not for anyone else, not even for me, but only for you.
And I love you. And I'm really bad at this, but it's not like I ever stopped loving you. It's hard for me to feel things right, but I'm not gonna let the Illuminous Phenomenon screw this up for me, too. Don't say you forgive me if you don't, but let me love you anyway, so that you know I mean it when I say "sorry".
[He's trying so, so hard to stay coy... but Elsword really is getting down on his knees, and he has to take a peek. Add's hand pressed to his cheek, head in his lap, that alone is making him...
Ugh.
At least now he knows what that flutter in his chest means. He is so weak.]
A-alright. I'll forgive you just this once. [please do NOT look up at his face yet he is not READY] Only because... I can tell you mean it.
[... and Elsword can tell just how upset Add was about it. Thanks, painshare. He lets his anger fizzle out, feeling a little bit guilty himself now.]
Sorry. I know I shouldn't doubt you, but... [why did your hormones choose me] if you feel that way about everyone, I don't know what makes me different.
[Lips flutter against Add's palm. A little kiss. He's staying on the floor; he likes having his head in Add's lap, he thinks. It's warm and soft and safe here.
The guilt is registered, and Elsword files it away. There's no need to feel guilty, he's the one who can't dial down the rizz for two seconds.]
It's kind of hard to explain. I wish you could feel how I felt about you. It might not be that strong to you, though. You guys all feel everything like I used to be able to do. I'm a little jealous of it. ...but I think if I felt things fully again, every time I look at you, my heart would leap out of my chest.
[For a boy who doesn't read any romance books, he sure knows how to say shit that comes directly from one. Spending too much time with Mizuki and his otomes, perhaps? Listened to Caoimhe talk about love too much? Channelling the energy of some ballad Rena once sang to them? Unclear.]
I think of it like this. BB said something about you last month that pissed me off, saying she was gonna steal you from me, and I got... uh. Jealous? I think. It might just be because I don't like her that much, though, and I don't think she'd be good for you.
[babe you CANNOT keep your face that close to his dick the whole time this is going to lead to PROBLEMS]
And how was she going to steal me? Even if she is an interesting specimen... [Elsword is much more fascinating... but he stops, awkwardly trailing off and coughing because oh yeah Elsword got mad at him for calling him a specimen before. he is trying his best.] You're much more than that to me, so something like that can't compare.
[not commenting on Elsword's thoughts on his ass.
... that other part tho. that is. hm.
a nervous little laugh, thoughts buzzing in his mind. he absolutely should not, but...]
Well... thoughts and emotions are just electrical signals in the brain, really. Transferring those signals between separate individuals...
[he trails off even more awkwardly. it's not impossible (it's very possible, he has a brainchip that does this exact thing in his desk drawer)]
[darling if you want an apology blowie you can just ask, he's not moving his head until Add tells him to get up. He's Comfy.]
Sounds hard to do. [But he's giddy about being "much more than that to me", aww. His cheeks are turning red and all.] The forest did it, but it was only bad stuff.
...I dunno. If we got to link the good stuff instead of the bad stuff, you wouldn't feel bad, would you? Maybe it's weird to say, but I liked getting to know you were safe in the forest because I could sense you. I was really worried the entire time you were gone...
R-right. I also... liked knowing you were safe... [except all the times he got bitten this month... what was up with that huh.
Add swallows dryly, suddenly feeling a little lightheaded... he could just ask. It's like Elsword wants him to ask. It wouldn't be suspicious, right? Elsword is saying he would want to try it. So if he just happened to have a prototype, for reasons unrelated to a secret mind control plot...
what would he say, if Add said it was possible? if he said he had the means to do it right here in his lab?
it's so, so risky, and yet...]
... it wouldn't be a simple process. Invasive surgery, followed by a long period of adaptation, you'd probably find all of that uncomfortable... you have that mirror, so you don't really need an alternative method. It was just an idea that popped into my head, so you don't have to take it seriously.
Surgery sounds like it sucks. [...] And yeah, I have the mirror, but nothing ever comes back full-force, if that makes sense. I don't think it ever will. It's okay, though. Just getting to feel stuff at all is fine with me.
[He shifts now so that his chin is resting on Add's upper knee, now looking up at him instead of just nuzzling into his hand like a cat.]
...but I also want to feel how you feel. About me, and when you're happy, and when you get excited about your science stuff. It would be nice to know when you're having a good day instead of a bad one.
[He stares into Elsword's eyes as he talks about how nice it would be, if they could just share all their feelings directly like that. All the happiness, and excitement, and love... they'd always know if one of them was in danger... and it would be better than anything the Trader's stupid mirror could do for him...
This is so hard. Add looks away, staring at a wall as he tries to focus without Elsword's puppy eyes distracting him. Do not give in, no matter how cute he looks or what his mouth decides to do next.]
Kuku, well... it would be difficult to make that kind of technology here. But I'm glad that you would share so much of yourself with me. Your thoughts, your feelings, your... [willpower, your freedom, your very existence
He sighs, a dreamy smile as he continues to stare at a wall. Elsword's everything...]
... surgery wouldn't be that bad. It'd be over before you wake up... might have to increase the dosage...
[His mouth is gonna kiss Add's knuckles next is what it's gonna do, after he holds Add's hand again and brings it in front of his lips anyway.]
Yeah, but doesn't it hurt after you wake up? [Aaaaand taking a sharp turn outside of romance city for a second.] I've never had surgery before, so I dunno, but that's what I've heard.
[...]
I guess it's you, though, so if you had to give me surgery for any reason, [why is this a normal-ass conversation for you two,] you'd have something to counter all that anyway. I wouldn't have to worry about dumb stuff like that since you'd take care of me.
[Local man who has the pain tolerance of a deity ironically does not want to be in pain after theoretical invasive surgery, more at ten]
[There is another pause... slowly, turning to look down at Elsword again, his boyfriend, the love of his life, a man who throws himself at danger for a living and confidently just declared that his doctor teammate has never operated on him once in his injury-rich life.
This is the idiot his hormones chose.]
Hah. Of course I'd take care of you. If you're in my care... I'd make sure you wouldn't feel a thing.
[this time, he does let himself get distracted... curling his hand under Elsword's chin, tipping it up to see him more clearly. The dynamos around him are sparking faintly, some of them hovering a little too close to Elsword... it's a warm, loving kind of contact shock.]
[Surgery is like, brain surgery and dental extractions and breast implants, three things Elsword hasn't ever had.
The reaction to the hand under his chin is instant — Elsword's cheeks flare a soft pink under the smattering of freckles, a momentary thud of his heart and widening eyes before they settle back into their half-lidded gaze. Loving, soft... he's never getting off of the floor now, not if Add's gonna tilt his face up like this while he's kneeling before him like he's a god. Dynamo's zaps are met with his halo's glow brightening.
Hoo boy. Alright. Yet again, he really wishes Add could feel the spark that just ran through him, because he swears it steals the breath from his lungs.]
You always take good care of me. I trust you. I'll always trust you.
[He can't feel it, but he can see the chemical reaction—a flush of colour, pupils dilated, the increase of BPM... is the halo another part of the chain? He can measure the lumens, compare then, add another tell to his list. What other changes can he make Elsword undergo? How many ways will his body display its affection?
He wants to see more, feel more. He wants to know to every little thing that makes his heart jump, his breath hitch, his fingers curl. He wants to measure and push and test the limits of those emotional responses until he can draw a map of Elsword's heart. He wants to carve that chest open and feel the blood pulsing against his palms, through every fibre of Elsword's being, alive and flowing with love...
He sighs deeply, almost panting, hair slipping over his eye as he yearns to lean closer. Lips parting beneath a hungry gaze, teeth bared in a sharpened smile.]
Even if I became the enemy of the world... you'll trust me, won't you? No matter what happens...
[He will. Add knows he will, because even if he doesn't, he will.
Some plans will have to change, but he can make this work. He's determined to do so.]
[It is, as evidence has suggested thus far, not difficult to take Elsword from "fine" to "flustered". Something about Add always does this to him; maybe it's the fact that Add is normally so put together that he almost refuses to have these reactions any other time, which means Elsword gets to see all of them like a poorly-kept secret. Maybe it's just Add in general, who's so goddamn pretty and smart and admirable, that it's hard not to get a little flushed whenever his attention is given so freely. Maybe it's love. Maybe it's also the fact that Add has that sickeningly possessive look in his eye while Elsword is on the fucking floor and he's having a whole moment about this.
Please no one expect him to be normal ever again, he's gonna kiss this man so stupid when he can make his brain work again.]
If the world became your enemy, it becomes my enemy, too. [Even though the El really, really wants him to be preferential towards it, he has to admit there's a heavy amount of bias towards his friends — toward Add — in general. There's no El here, though, and that means he can do whatever the hell he wants.] Asking me if I'll trust you is like asking if the sun is gonna rise in the morning.
You know I'm always gonna be by your side no matter what.
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no subject
The kissing, though, that does bother him. When Elsword mentions gifts, he's already starting to crackle with static like he's going to explode... Mizuki is courting his boyfriend?? After he thought he finally found someone who could understand him, who'd listen to anything he asks, and then he goes and pulls this betrayal...
but Elsword is still explaining the events, and as he gets to that last part before the kiss... his jealously boils over, a loud crack echoing through the room.]
You were flirting with Mizuki?! You... do you even listen to your own idiotic words?!
[he is SO fucking pissed Elsword didn't say that to HIM? what the fuck.]
no subject
I— was that flirting? I just said what was on my mind. [This is why the entire ESP wants to make out with him.] ...I'm sorry, Add, really.
[Feel those (very distant, diluted, under 16 layers of mud and sediment) sad emotions, Add, you're getting them. Elsword is making the same face a puppy makes when you yell at it right now. Guilty, a touch disappointed in himself... he really has no idea what the hell he says when he says it, which might explain why everyone in his life tries to kiss and bite him every three seconds.]
But this whole thing is why I came to talk to you rather than hiding it. And he apologised a lot, and he helped me clean the wound out and bandage it, so I don't know if he really meant it other than just impulse. [You know when you get the sudden impulsive urge to kiss someone? Kind of like how Elsword did when they first hooked up? Yeah.] ...I'm still sorry though. I didn't mean to accidentally flirt with Mizuki. Can I make it up to you? Do you want a kiss?
no subject
He's mad, absolutely... but there's also a tinge of fear beneath the surface. What if... Elsword doesn't love him after all? What if he feels this way for everyone? If Add isn't "special"... he could be replaced by anyone, couldn't he? The idea of something like that happening...
he doesn't want Elsword to have anyone else. it has to be Add, and only Add... he can't become replaceable, not here, not like this.
but he stamps down his feelings, ignoring the licking embers of his rage and paranoia to focus on what he can do. Mizuki wouldn't betray him so blatantly. It was a mistake. They can fix this.]
... I'll talk with him. It was a misunderstanding.
[His tone is cold, looking away from Elsword as he speaks. He's still thinking of those heartfelt words, directed at someone other than him... he wants to say he forgives him, but he's still upset. If all he wanted was to play along, that would be the best option, but if he wants their feelings to stay real and honest... if he wants to believe Elsword can love him...]
I don't know. If nothing could stop you from being happy with him... what's there left to say to me, hm? It sounds like you don't need me around at all.
If you get on your knees and beg for my mercy... I'll consider it.
no subject
There's no hesitation in the choice. Elsword stands from where he's leaning, pulls his hands out of his pockets, and kneels on the floor. And then... sits on it, back on his calves, and reaches out for one of Add's hands. If he's allowed to have that much, he'll press it to his cheek and hold it there, and lay his head in Add's lap too. It's a step further than begging for mercy, perhaps.
His eyes flutter shut.]
I'm not gonna beg you for forgiveness if you don't think I deserve it, [yet he's prostrating himself before Add anyway,] 'cause that's your decision to make. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry for screwing things up constantly. I know it doesn't mean much when I keep doing it, but I'm going to keep trying. For you. Not for anyone else, not even for me, but only for you.
And I love you. And I'm really bad at this, but it's not like I ever stopped loving you. It's hard for me to feel things right, but I'm not gonna let the Illuminous Phenomenon screw this up for me, too. Don't say you forgive me if you don't, but let me love you anyway, so that you know I mean it when I say "sorry".
no subject
Ugh.
At least now he knows what that flutter in his chest means. He is so weak.]
A-alright. I'll forgive you just this once. [please do NOT look up at his face yet he is not READY] Only because... I can tell you mean it.
[... and Elsword can tell just how upset Add was about it. Thanks, painshare. He lets his anger fizzle out, feeling a little bit guilty himself now.]
Sorry. I know I shouldn't doubt you, but... [why did your hormones choose me] if you feel that way about everyone, I don't know what makes me different.
no subject
The guilt is registered, and Elsword files it away. There's no need to feel guilty, he's the one who can't dial down the rizz for two seconds.]
It's kind of hard to explain. I wish you could feel how I felt about you. It might not be that strong to you, though. You guys all feel everything like I used to be able to do. I'm a little jealous of it. ...but I think if I felt things fully again, every time I look at you, my heart would leap out of my chest.
[For a boy who doesn't read any romance books, he sure knows how to say shit that comes directly from one. Spending too much time with Mizuki and his otomes, perhaps? Listened to Caoimhe talk about love too much? Channelling the energy of some ballad Rena once sang to them? Unclear.]
I think of it like this. BB said something about you last month that pissed me off, saying she was gonna steal you from me, and I got... uh. Jealous? I think. It might just be because I don't like her that much, though, and I don't think she'd be good for you.
...
I also wouldn't grab just anyone's ass. [elsword]
no subject
And how was she going to steal me? Even if she is an interesting specimen... [Elsword is much more fascinating... but he stops, awkwardly trailing off and coughing because oh yeah Elsword got mad at him for calling him a specimen before. he is trying his best.] You're much more than that to me, so something like that can't compare.
[not commenting on Elsword's thoughts on his ass.
... that other part tho. that is. hm.
a nervous little laugh, thoughts buzzing in his mind. he absolutely should not, but...]
Well... thoughts and emotions are just electrical signals in the brain, really. Transferring those signals between separate individuals...
[he trails off even more awkwardly. it's not impossible (it's very possible, he has a brainchip that does this exact thing in his desk drawer)]
no subject
Sounds hard to do. [But he's giddy about being "much more than that to me", aww. His cheeks are turning red and all.] The forest did it, but it was only bad stuff.
...I dunno. If we got to link the good stuff instead of the bad stuff, you wouldn't feel bad, would you? Maybe it's weird to say, but I liked getting to know you were safe in the forest because I could sense you. I was really worried the entire time you were gone...
[Kissing Add's palm again, kisskisskiss.]
no subject
Add swallows dryly, suddenly feeling a little lightheaded... he could just ask. It's like Elsword wants him to ask. It wouldn't be suspicious, right? Elsword is saying he would want to try it. So if he just happened to have a prototype, for reasons unrelated to a secret mind control plot...
what would he say, if Add said it was possible? if he said he had the means to do it right here in his lab?
it's so, so risky, and yet...]
... it wouldn't be a simple process. Invasive surgery, followed by a long period of adaptation, you'd probably find all of that uncomfortable... you have that mirror, so you don't really need an alternative method. It was just an idea that popped into my head, so you don't have to take it seriously.
no subject
[He shifts now so that his chin is resting on Add's upper knee, now looking up at him instead of just nuzzling into his hand like a cat.]
...but I also want to feel how you feel. About me, and when you're happy, and when you get excited about your science stuff. It would be nice to know when you're having a good day instead of a bad one.
no subject
This is so hard. Add looks away, staring at a wall as he tries to focus without Elsword's puppy eyes distracting him. Do not give in, no matter how cute he looks or what his mouth decides to do next.]
Kuku, well... it would be difficult to make that kind of technology here. But I'm glad that you would share so much of yourself with me. Your thoughts, your feelings, your... [willpower, your freedom, your very existence
He sighs, a dreamy smile as he continues to stare at a wall. Elsword's everything...]
... surgery wouldn't be that bad. It'd be over before you wake up... might have to increase the dosage...
no subject
Yeah, but doesn't it hurt after you wake up? [Aaaaand taking a sharp turn outside of romance city for a second.] I've never had surgery before, so I dunno, but that's what I've heard.
[...]
I guess it's you, though, so if you had to give me surgery for any reason, [why is this a normal-ass conversation for you two,] you'd have something to counter all that anyway. I wouldn't have to worry about dumb stuff like that since you'd take care of me.
[Local man who has the pain tolerance of a deity ironically does not want to be in pain after theoretical invasive surgery, more at ten]
no subject
This is the idiot his hormones chose.]
Hah. Of course I'd take care of you. If you're in my care... I'd make sure you wouldn't feel a thing.
[this time, he does let himself get distracted... curling his hand under Elsword's chin, tipping it up to see him more clearly. The dynamos around him are sparking faintly, some of them hovering a little too close to Elsword... it's a warm, loving kind of contact shock.]
no subject
The reaction to the hand under his chin is instant — Elsword's cheeks flare a soft pink under the smattering of freckles, a momentary thud of his heart and widening eyes before they settle back into their half-lidded gaze. Loving, soft... he's never getting off of the floor now, not if Add's gonna tilt his face up like this while he's kneeling before him like he's a god. Dynamo's zaps are met with his halo's glow brightening.
Hoo boy. Alright. Yet again, he really wishes Add could feel the spark that just ran through him, because he swears it steals the breath from his lungs.]
You always take good care of me. I trust you. I'll always trust you.
[He has no other words. He's swooning too hard.]
no subject
He wants to see more, feel more. He wants to know to every little thing that makes his heart jump, his breath hitch, his fingers curl. He wants to measure and push and test the limits of those emotional responses until he can draw a map of Elsword's heart. He wants to carve that chest open and feel the blood pulsing against his palms, through every fibre of Elsword's being, alive and flowing with love...
He sighs deeply, almost panting, hair slipping over his eye as he yearns to lean closer. Lips parting beneath a hungry gaze, teeth bared in a sharpened smile.]
Even if I became the enemy of the world... you'll trust me, won't you? No matter what happens...
[He will. Add knows he will, because even if he doesn't, he will.
Some plans will have to change, but he can make this work. He's determined to do so.]
no subject
Please no one expect him to be normal ever again, he's gonna kiss this man so stupid when he can make his brain work again.]
If the world became your enemy, it becomes my enemy, too. [Even though the El really, really wants him to be preferential towards it, he has to admit there's a heavy amount of bias towards his friends — toward Add — in general. There's no El here, though, and that means he can do whatever the hell he wants.] Asking me if I'll trust you is like asking if the sun is gonna rise in the morning.
You know I'm always gonna be by your side no matter what.