[He hasn't moved an inch since Nene left: good leg pulled up, arms wrapped around his knee, face buried in his arms... he already cried himself out, barely moving now that there's nothing left to release. How long has been here, alone by the riverside? His white pants are going to be stained...
He doesn't move... but there's a flinch at Elsword's voice, the tiniest shift when he sits down next to him. His throat feels dry and raw.]
... I want to know you. Let's start over. [thin, fragile words, barely whispered on a breath... but they aren't for Elsword. the person he meant to hear them is already gone.
he's drawn into warm arms, only now realizing how cold he is out here by the river... he leans in to the warmth, face rubbing against Elsword's chest, feeling the thump of his blood against his ear. he wants to stay like this, wrapped up in strong arms and soft feathers...
ah... that's right. he left the meeting. that's why Elsword is here.]
It's not your fault. [he still sounds hoarse... but he's calm. maybe a little too calm, but he's run out of energy for everything else. all that's left are the simple facts.] I don't care about that anymore. You were right.
[the photo did make him upset. he should've listened.]
—I should've shown you at home, and not where everyone else is. Obviously, it's too late now...
[This isn't the time for should-haves and what-ifs. Elsword is never sure what to do in these situations, especially when it comes to Add. A hug isn't going to fix this, and he knows that much. He hears the muttering, the way Add sounds so drained and lifeless, and wonders if those words are meant for him or if he should tell Add to leave it.
He's always wanted to know Add better. He'd said as much to Mizuki and Caoimhe, he wants to be let in. Elsword is always that person, who thinks he can take on other's burdens simply by knowing them. That he can fix what's broken because that's who he is.]
Add, I'm... You don't have to tell me anything. [I want to know.] I don't need to know. I just want to help you feel better, if I can.
[he's quiet for a long time, staring vacantly through a half-closed eye. why do the thoughts in his head have to be so complicated? he wishes he could shut everything off, like machine placed in power-saving mode. his mind isn't needed right now, let him rest...
and for awhile, it seems like he won't answer. maybe there's nothing Elsword can do. maybe Add doesn't want him to know. they could stay like this for awhile in silence, then one of them will leave, and they'll never speak of the matter again. he doesn't have to share. he can keep doing what he always has, unknown to everyone around him.
... unknown...
he stirs, lips parting.]
Elsword... what do you know about me?
[what... has he even shared? that he's a doctor (not even true), a Nasod researcher, maybe mentioned his mother (never by name, never in detail) once or twice in reference to her research... but has he ever shared anything deeper? even once?
[Elsword stirs slightly just to readjust how they're sitting, how he's holding Add — one arm around his back to support his weight, the other loosely draped over his front. His fingertips find the long strands of Add's hair, absentmindedly running them over his skin. It's still as soft as it always is.
He hums, thoughtful. His memories want to leave him faster than he can regain them — every day, something slips away, and he's not even aware of it — but there are many things he knows about Add. Many things that maybe Add doesn't know Elsword knows, or thinks, or holds close to his chest.]
I know a lot of stuff. [None of it is what Add's looking for, probably, but he goes on anyway.] I know that you really like science — Nasods like Eve, and medical science stuff. I know that if I somehow managed to find a book on either of those topics, you'd be happy with it, and you'd say "thanks" and I wouldn't see you for the next two days 'cause you'd be too busy reading. And I know you'd memorize anything in it, which I'm kinda jealous of.
[More for Memory Problems issues than anything.]
I know you really like sweets, especially chocolate. I know that you like cats, and that you don't like ghosts. [Well. More that he's scared of them, by Elsword's measure, but he's not about to say that.] I know... that whenever any of us need you, you've always been there, even if I can't remember it sometimes. I know you've been working really hard to try to keep everyone safe, and that you sometimes don't sleep because you're working so hard on whatever it is, and that you're putting in so much extra work just to try to undo the Illuminous Phenomenon for me. Not even because I asked you to, but because you care. Because you're a good person.
...and I know that you don't like to talk about the past, or how you feel about certain things. You've never liked that. You mentioned your mom once, but I don't think I ever got to meet her. [haha. ha.] I know you're smart and creative and a great tactician, and you're probably the biggest nerd in existence.
I know how to tell when you're upset just based on the way your eyes flash, and I know...
[He takes a deep breath. Goddess, if either of his Romantic Consultants were here, they'd be pointing and giggling about this next part.]
...I know that I really, really like how you smile when you're happy with yourself, or something good happens. I know I like being around you, and that you're important to me. And that will never change.
[... almost none of this is what he's looking for. He should be annoyed, but... why does Elsword even remember this much? He can barely remember his own name some days, but he can remember all this about Add.
Fingers dig loosely into Elsword's shirt. People who care for him, people who love him... is this what it's supposed to mean? Can you love someone without knowing them? Is this enough to "know" someone...?]
... How do you know? You... could forget me. I'd be a stranger to you.
[how would he feel, if that ever happened? if Elsword treated him coldly... no, if it were Elsword he'd still be kind. but the familiarity would be gone, the understanding, the little moments like this one. how would he handle it, if something like that were to happen?]
If... I forgot you... what would you think? If I became a different person, and I didn't remember you...
Mm... even if I became one with the El one day and I didn't exist as I am now, and forgot about you... it's not that you would stop being important to me. Just because I'm not "me", doesn't mean "I" would ever stop.
[The day he entered the El, he did so knowing — thinking — that he would die there. And that was fine with him. It's not something he voices aloud, but it's a thought he has: He would've stopped existing as he is, yes, but that doesn't mean his love for his friends and the world around him would have died. That's not how it works, not to someone like him.
Of course, the topic of ever forgetting Add is uncomfortable as it is — that's why he asked Caoimhe to help him remember, that's why he's constantly trying to be close, because one slip-up and that's it. The faces of long-time friends have blurred the longer he's been here, and were it not for the Trader's help, he would've met Chung that day in the Grove and asked "Who are you?" instead of going in for an immediate hug.
He squeezes Add all the tighter, clinging mentally to the idea that he'll somehow be able to retain his memory and personality even though there's an almost-zero chance of that the longer the years drag on, and clinging physically to the person he never wants to forget.]
...if you forgot me, I'd be sad, but I'd try to befriend you all over again. I'd ask you for your name and ask you not to forget mine. I'd try to learn everything you like, and what you're willing to share with me, and I'd write it all down just in case. And... maybe, if you were comfortable with it, I'd tell you about the past we spent together, the good and the bad and the in-between.
I wouldn't stop thinking you're important to me, just because you're someone different. I'm always gonna be there for you.
[why is it that when Elsword says things, they always sound so much simpler? like of course he would still care, of course he would still be important, even if they lost everything that brought them together in the first place...
if Elsword forgot him... he would just have to try harder to remind him. he wouldn't just give up. he never has in the past.
he's held tighter, almost uncomfortably so... but even if his bruises sting, he doesn't want to let go. he grips against Elsword's chest, soaking in his sounds, his scent. surrounded by him, protected, warmed.
... and who does Nene have, now that he's left her all alone?
he sighs, his grip loosening again. even being comforted, he still feels awful for it.
what should he do? maybe... he should act more like Elsword for once.]
[You know, of all the reveals to come from this, he sure wasn't expecting that. Yet, despite this reveal — the way Add says it almost seems like it's a bad thing — Elsword manages to feel excited, in the ways he normally feels excited. He can't quite show it, but his voice rises a single pitch, and he readjusts the position of his head so he can try to look Add in the eye.]
Really? How'd you find out? Can I meet her? Is she anything like you? If she's like you, she's probably really cool, huh?
[He has rather high opinions of Add, so anyone in Add's family that's not Asker is probably super awesome. That's how it works.]
...well. I... I mean. [How do you tactfully say "dude you know what's wrong with me" without saying it like that.] I don't remember much of my past...
But I did think that photo was real from the moment I got it, and the journal entries too. Those people in there were us when we were little. It's... kind of hard not to recognize you.
[sorta gay but moving on—]
I guess I'm kind of sad that we were friends for that long, and I didn't know that. Sorry...
... No one else here has even heard of the El, and you still just accept that we've all met before? [he sighs, hat tilted back up to give Elsword a flat look... but really, he should've seen that coming.
Add sits himself upright, pulling out of their cozy embrace so he can sit a little more... normally. Not that he's leaving the hug or general proximity, but it's hard to talk when he's folded over with his head on Elsword's chest. He stares straight ahead, choosing to ignore how well they slot together like this.]
It's a complicated story. I'll explain everything later, but...
She was trapped by the forest, while the rest of us escaped and forgot it all. She was... waiting for me.
[even though he didn't remember... she still did so much for him. she still wanted him to be safe. and what did he do for her in return?]
[Elsword nodding like uh-huh :) of course he'd just accept this, that means he's got friends :D
He patiently waits for Add to adjust... he's thinking the same thing. It's what he said to Mizuki and Caoimhe, "we fit well together", and god fuck no not right now this is not the time to stew in the remnants of feelings. Focus. Focus.]
...we escaped? Wait— didn't Chung mention that green thing in the woods knew his name? [Hm. The dots...] Is that why...?
[Ah, but...]
I don't know if I entirely get it, but it sounds like something awful happened. But why did we go back to Elrios instead of trying to save everyone?
["I'll explain later" he says and Elsword's hero brain is like, no no, I need to know the deep lore.]
I said I'll explain later— [SIGHS elsword why are you like this] Those parts aren't important right now. Would you pay attention?
[which begs the question... what parts are important? he's getting a bit flustered, close to chickening out of all this sharing nonsense. and after Elsword practically begged to know more about him...
deep breaths, Add. this isn't just about you anymore. he... needs to be more responsible.]
I got upset. I... said the wrong thing. She probably thinks I hate her now.
I doubt that's true. Everyone says wrong things sometimes. [Elsword has foot-in-mouth syndrome pretty often!] But... you know, you're gonna have to say sorry if you feel that way. I can go with you, if you want, for moral support.
Where is she at, anyway? We can invite her over for dinner, and you guys can talk and stuff.
[Well what the fuck does he say to that one. This is why he's not the advice friend. He's the beat-it-with-your-sword friend. He's the friend who hugs and says weirdly, profoundly soft shit, but he sure as hell doesn't know how to fix problems. This is not a problem he can beat to death.
Uhhhhhh.]
...maybe there's a way to contact her somehow. You could leave a note. Try to stick it underneath the fog. ...Can you even do that...?
[ugh why couldn't it have just been a huge forest monster that kidnapped her instead of this, then maybe his idiot friend would have better advice]
I know where she lives. I think. [thank El he got that out of her early on, otherwise he'd be screwed right now] I... also have something to get there. Through the fog.
[but if it doesn't look like he's jumping at the chance to chase after her... well.
to get to her, he'd have to go back into the forest. this is the closest he's come to the fog wall since his return.]
Maybe. It's good to give people space when they're upset.
[That's sort of why Elsword didn't immediately run out after Add. Clearly he needed time to process; it seems like it was time well-spent, in some ways. He's at least saying what's on his mind for once, which is a step in the right direction.
But, he thinks something more important has to be said here. Nevermind the thing Add seems to have that'll let him get through the fog, nevermind knowing where she lives. Elsword has parsed by this point that the fog is dangerous — it wasn't hard to tell that much, even on his first day here. The fog is keeping them in, and keeping other things out.]
Hey. [His brow furrows.] Promise me you won't disappear on me completely again if you go. I don't... I don't want to lose you again. It was hard enough the first time.
[Right. It's okay for him to give her space... but he doesn't want to leave her alone, either. So he shouldn't wait too long... but then there's the forest...
he sighs, again, the heaviest thus far, face in his hands. what a fucking mess he's gotten himself into.]
... I already promised a dozen times. I won't. [and he really, truly means it, because going back into that forest by himself sounds like a terrible idea. he doesn't want to say it, but he's scared. he's not sure if he even could go in there right now.
that, and... he spreads a few fingers, peering through them to the splinted leg still sticking out towards the river. yeah.
[No, promise him more, as El Search Party members it cannot be understated how stupid and reckless the both of them are. Someone's going to find himself in danger somewhere. A promise isn't going to prevent anyone from getting gored by a monster, but still.]
Let me help you. ...oh! Add. [Vague excitement!!] There's a map of the Grove in my room, and it includes a bunch of stuff that we can't get to. Would that help you? You said you know where it is, but it might be good in case you get turned around.
That... would be very useful, actually. [he said he knows where she lives, but it's more like she told him to get the glasses to navigate the woods and find a church... she didn't actually tell him where in the woods the church is. he kinda hoped it would just be obvious.]
I'll make a copy of it with Dynamo. And perhaps a backup in paper wouldn't hurt... I can try to map out some of the paths as I go. It could come in handy later.
There's a temple and an ocean on it, too. I didn't know we were close to an ocean.
[It's hanging up on the wall in his room, so Add might've seen it before in passing. Fun facts, Elsword is not waiting, they are going to go look at the map now. Add said it would be useful they're getting up.
And by "they" obviously I mean "Elsword scoops Add up off the forest floor and just carries him off".]
Let's go look at it now. It's best to get an early start, right?
[He makes an embarrassed squeak at being picked up, but he's not immediately wriggling for freedom, so... progress? He is, unfortunately, getting used to being princess carried.
He can tell Elsword is trying to distract him, though. It's... kind of nice? For some reason it feels different from when Add is the one trying to change the topic. Is it because he actually spoke about something openly for once? or... is it because it's Elsword?]
... About what I said before. I'm sorry.
And... thank you.
[he feels a little dizzy, heart pounding softly in his ears... he must've been sitting out here too long.
Add clears his throat, tilting the brim of his hat back down.]
If anyone asks, this conversation didn't happen... actually, just say we discussed what happened at the meeting. I already forgave you so it's fine to say that we're on good terms again. Everything else is a personal matter, so no one needs to know about that. And don't mention anything strange that might give people ideas. I don't want to leave a bad impression.
I can't believe they actually thought we're in a relationship... ridiculous. I'm too busy for frivolous things like that.
[Elsword slightly tightens his grip on Add, pointedly staring ahead as his footsteps slow down a small bit. Something hurts somewhere deep down; he's not sure why.]
Ha, yeah. I never thought you'd be interested in something like that anyway.
[Add was long gone by the time everyone pointed out that Elsword might, allegedly, probably, be harbouring some not-friends feelings somewhere deep within. Maybe that's for the best; Elsword doesn't need to be scrutinized for it. He's not supposed to be feeling things anyway, even though their last several encounters have led to him feeling a bit... odd, he supposes is the word he'd use.
Here they are now, and Add is putting that distance between them. A firm no, and Elsword respects it. Of course he does. He has to wonder if he's just got ideas in his head because everyone else does, or...
...
Well, it's not like he... wouldn't... kiss Add if Add wanted— brain stop that.]
You... uh, you probably wouldn't ever want to do something like that, huh?
[He hasn't checked Dynamo's meeting notes yet... but when he does, and gets to that part of the recording, he'll probably shut it off and wipe the clip from his systems. Elsword's gay thoughts are safe.
Add wheezes out a laugh, trying not to sound anxious (sounding really anxious).] Me? Romantically involved? Of course not. You're my patient, that would be wildly unprofessional, not to mention the power imbalance. It was just a simple misunderstanding, don't let it bother you so much.
[Besides, it's not like Elsword is strapped for suitors. He's seen the way Aisha ogles him. Eve, too... he spent years trying to make her look at him like that, so he'd know. And Elesis would probably kill him if he ever...
—not that he would. He's a scientist. His is a purely scientific interest.
... it's a pointless thing to dwell on, because he's sure Elsword doesn't think of him that way. He calls Add a friend, sure, and he's overwhelmingly kind and thoughtful... but Elsword is like that with just about everyone. It would be foolish to interpret his kindness towards Add as anything more.
That must be why Elsword sounds so awkward. His kindhearted nature is being misinterpreted as something romantic, possibly even sexual...
Ugh, they desperately need a topic change. Add clears his throat (again).]
Do you find the accusation embarrassing? ... That is an emotion. You're making good progress.
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He doesn't move... but there's a flinch at Elsword's voice, the tiniest shift when he sits down next to him. His throat feels dry and raw.]
... I want to know you. Let's start over. [thin, fragile words, barely whispered on a breath... but they aren't for Elsword. the person he meant to hear them is already gone.
he's drawn into warm arms, only now realizing how cold he is out here by the river... he leans in to the warmth, face rubbing against Elsword's chest, feeling the thump of his blood against his ear. he wants to stay like this, wrapped up in strong arms and soft feathers...
ah... that's right. he left the meeting. that's why Elsword is here.]
It's not your fault. [he still sounds hoarse... but he's calm. maybe a little too calm, but he's run out of energy for everything else. all that's left are the simple facts.] I don't care about that anymore. You were right.
[the photo did make him upset. he should've listened.]
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[He looks awful. Elsword doesn't say that much.]
—I should've shown you at home, and not where everyone else is. Obviously, it's too late now...
[This isn't the time for should-haves and what-ifs. Elsword is never sure what to do in these situations, especially when it comes to Add. A hug isn't going to fix this, and he knows that much. He hears the muttering, the way Add sounds so drained and lifeless, and wonders if those words are meant for him or if he should tell Add to leave it.
He's always wanted to know Add better. He'd said as much to Mizuki and Caoimhe, he wants to be let in. Elsword is always that person, who thinks he can take on other's burdens simply by knowing them. That he can fix what's broken because that's who he is.]
Add, I'm... You don't have to tell me anything. [I want to know.] I don't need to know. I just want to help you feel better, if I can.
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and for awhile, it seems like he won't answer. maybe there's nothing Elsword can do. maybe Add doesn't want him to know. they could stay like this for awhile in silence, then one of them will leave, and they'll never speak of the matter again. he doesn't have to share. he can keep doing what he always has, unknown to everyone around him.
... unknown...
he stirs, lips parting.]
Elsword... what do you know about me?
[what... has he even shared? that he's a doctor (not even true), a Nasod researcher, maybe mentioned his mother (never by name, never in detail) once or twice in reference to her research... but has he ever shared anything deeper? even once?
does... anyone know him?]
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He hums, thoughtful. His memories want to leave him faster than he can regain them — every day, something slips away, and he's not even aware of it — but there are many things he knows about Add. Many things that maybe Add doesn't know Elsword knows, or thinks, or holds close to his chest.]
I know a lot of stuff. [None of it is what Add's looking for, probably, but he goes on anyway.] I know that you really like science — Nasods like Eve, and medical science stuff. I know that if I somehow managed to find a book on either of those topics, you'd be happy with it, and you'd say "thanks" and I wouldn't see you for the next two days 'cause you'd be too busy reading. And I know you'd memorize anything in it, which I'm kinda jealous of.
[More for Memory Problems issues than anything.]
I know you really like sweets, especially chocolate. I know that you like cats, and that you don't like ghosts. [Well. More that he's scared of them, by Elsword's measure, but he's not about to say that.] I know... that whenever any of us need you, you've always been there, even if I can't remember it sometimes. I know you've been working really hard to try to keep everyone safe, and that you sometimes don't sleep because you're working so hard on whatever it is, and that you're putting in so much extra work just to try to undo the Illuminous Phenomenon for me. Not even because I asked you to, but because you care. Because you're a good person.
...and I know that you don't like to talk about the past, or how you feel about certain things. You've never liked that. You mentioned your mom once, but I don't think I ever got to meet her. [haha. ha.] I know you're smart and creative and a great tactician, and you're probably the biggest nerd in existence.
I know how to tell when you're upset just based on the way your eyes flash, and I know...
[He takes a deep breath. Goddess, if either of his Romantic Consultants were here, they'd be pointing and giggling about this next part.]
...I know that I really, really like how you smile when you're happy with yourself, or something good happens. I know I like being around you, and that you're important to me. And that will never change.
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Fingers dig loosely into Elsword's shirt. People who care for him, people who love him... is this what it's supposed to mean? Can you love someone without knowing them? Is this enough to "know" someone...?]
... How do you know? You... could forget me. I'd be a stranger to you.
[how would he feel, if that ever happened? if Elsword treated him coldly... no, if it were Elsword he'd still be kind. but the familiarity would be gone, the understanding, the little moments like this one. how would he handle it, if something like that were to happen?]
If... I forgot you... what would you think? If I became a different person, and I didn't remember you...
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[The day he entered the El, he did so knowing — thinking — that he would die there. And that was fine with him. It's not something he voices aloud, but it's a thought he has: He would've stopped existing as he is, yes, but that doesn't mean his love for his friends and the world around him would have died. That's not how it works, not to someone like him.
Of course, the topic of ever forgetting Add is uncomfortable as it is — that's why he asked Caoimhe to help him remember, that's why he's constantly trying to be close, because one slip-up and that's it. The faces of long-time friends have blurred the longer he's been here, and were it not for the Trader's help, he would've met Chung that day in the Grove and asked "Who are you?" instead of going in for an immediate hug.
He squeezes Add all the tighter, clinging mentally to the idea that he'll somehow be able to retain his memory and personality even though there's an almost-zero chance of that the longer the years drag on, and clinging physically to the person he never wants to forget.]
...if you forgot me, I'd be sad, but I'd try to befriend you all over again. I'd ask you for your name and ask you not to forget mine. I'd try to learn everything you like, and what you're willing to share with me, and I'd write it all down just in case. And... maybe, if you were comfortable with it, I'd tell you about the past we spent together, the good and the bad and the in-between.
I wouldn't stop thinking you're important to me, just because you're someone different. I'm always gonna be there for you.
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if Elsword forgot him... he would just have to try harder to remind him. he wouldn't just give up. he never has in the past.
he's held tighter, almost uncomfortably so... but even if his bruises sting, he doesn't want to let go. he grips against Elsword's chest, soaking in his sounds, his scent. surrounded by him, protected, warmed.
... and who does Nene have, now that he's left her all alone?
he sighs, his grip loosening again. even being comforted, he still feels awful for it.
what should he do? maybe... he should act more like Elsword for once.]
... I think I have a sister.
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Really? How'd you find out? Can I meet her? Is she anything like you? If she's like you, she's probably really cool, huh?
[He has rather high opinions of Add, so anyone in Add's family that's not Asker is probably super awesome. That's how it works.]
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You've already met her. [but, wait, this is gonna be hard to explain from here. he needs to back up a little first. from the top...]
That photo from before... what would you think if I said it was real? If we've all been here before, but don't remember it.
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But I did think that photo was real from the moment I got it, and the journal entries too. Those people in there were us when we were little. It's... kind of hard not to recognize you.
[sorta gay but moving on—]
I guess I'm kind of sad that we were friends for that long, and I didn't know that. Sorry...
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Add sits himself upright, pulling out of their cozy embrace so he can sit a little more... normally. Not that he's leaving the hug or general proximity, but it's hard to talk when he's folded over with his head on Elsword's chest. He stares straight ahead, choosing to ignore how well they slot together like this.]
It's a complicated story. I'll explain everything later, but...
She was trapped by the forest, while the rest of us escaped and forgot it all. She was... waiting for me.
[even though he didn't remember... she still did so much for him. she still wanted him to be safe. and what did he do for her in return?]
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He patiently waits for Add to adjust... he's thinking the same thing. It's what he said to Mizuki and Caoimhe, "we fit well together", and god fuck no not right now this is not the time to stew in the remnants of feelings. Focus. Focus.]
...we escaped? Wait— didn't Chung mention that green thing in the woods knew his name? [Hm. The dots...] Is that why...?
[Ah, but...]
I don't know if I entirely get it, but it sounds like something awful happened. But why did we go back to Elrios instead of trying to save everyone?
["I'll explain later" he says and Elsword's hero brain is like, no no, I need to know the deep lore.]
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[which begs the question... what parts are important? he's getting a bit flustered, close to chickening out of all this sharing nonsense. and after Elsword practically begged to know more about him...
deep breaths, Add. this isn't just about you anymore. he... needs to be more responsible.]
I got upset. I... said the wrong thing. She probably thinks I hate her now.
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I doubt that's true. Everyone says wrong things sometimes. [Elsword has foot-in-mouth syndrome pretty often!] But... you know, you're gonna have to say sorry if you feel that way. I can go with you, if you want, for moral support.
Where is she at, anyway? We can invite her over for dinner, and you guys can talk and stuff.
[haha. ha.]
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I said I wasn't her brother, and I didn't know anything about her... and then she ran into the fog.
[so, dinner might be a little delayed.]
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[Well what the fuck does he say to that one. This is why he's not the advice friend. He's the beat-it-with-your-sword friend. He's the friend who hugs and says weirdly, profoundly soft shit, but he sure as hell doesn't know how to fix problems. This is not a problem he can beat to death.
Uhhhhhh.]
...maybe there's a way to contact her somehow. You could leave a note. Try to stick it underneath the fog. ...Can you even do that...?
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I know where she lives. I think. [thank El he got that out of her early on, otherwise he'd be screwed right now] I... also have something to get there. Through the fog.
[but if it doesn't look like he's jumping at the chance to chase after her... well.
to get to her, he'd have to go back into the forest. this is the closest he's come to the fog wall since his return.]
... maybe I should give her some space first...
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[That's sort of why Elsword didn't immediately run out after Add. Clearly he needed time to process; it seems like it was time well-spent, in some ways. He's at least saying what's on his mind for once, which is a step in the right direction.
But, he thinks something more important has to be said here. Nevermind the thing Add seems to have that'll let him get through the fog, nevermind knowing where she lives. Elsword has parsed by this point that the fog is dangerous — it wasn't hard to tell that much, even on his first day here. The fog is keeping them in, and keeping other things out.]
Hey. [His brow furrows.] Promise me you won't disappear on me completely again if you go. I don't... I don't want to lose you again. It was hard enough the first time.
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he sighs, again, the heaviest thus far, face in his hands. what a fucking mess he's gotten himself into.]
... I already promised a dozen times. I won't. [and he really, truly means it, because going back into that forest by himself sounds like a terrible idea. he doesn't want to say it, but he's scared. he's not sure if he even could go in there right now.
that, and... he spreads a few fingers, peering through them to the splinted leg still sticking out towards the river. yeah.
he's not hiking through the woods any time soon.]
I need some time to think. Make preparations...
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Let me help you. ...oh! Add. [Vague excitement!!] There's a map of the Grove in my room, and it includes a bunch of stuff that we can't get to. Would that help you? You said you know where it is, but it might be good in case you get turned around.
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I'll make a copy of it with Dynamo. And perhaps a backup in paper wouldn't hurt... I can try to map out some of the paths as I go. It could come in handy later.
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[It's hanging up on the wall in his room, so Add might've seen it before in passing. Fun facts, Elsword is not waiting, they are going to go look at the map now. Add said it would be useful they're getting up.
And by "they" obviously I mean "Elsword scoops Add up off the forest floor and just carries him off".]
Let's go look at it now. It's best to get an early start, right?
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He can tell Elsword is trying to distract him, though. It's... kind of nice? For some reason it feels different from when Add is the one trying to change the topic. Is it because he actually spoke about something openly for once? or... is it because it's Elsword?]
... About what I said before. I'm sorry.
And... thank you.
[he feels a little dizzy, heart pounding softly in his ears... he must've been sitting out here too long.
Add clears his throat, tilting the brim of his hat back down.]
If anyone asks, this conversation didn't happen... actually, just say we discussed what happened at the meeting. I already forgave you so it's fine to say that we're on good terms again. Everything else is a personal matter, so no one needs to know about that. And don't mention anything strange that might give people ideas. I don't want to leave a bad impression.
I can't believe they actually thought we're in a relationship... ridiculous. I'm too busy for frivolous things like that.
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Ha, yeah. I never thought you'd be interested in something like that anyway.
[Add was long gone by the time everyone pointed out that Elsword might, allegedly, probably, be harbouring some not-friends feelings somewhere deep within. Maybe that's for the best; Elsword doesn't need to be scrutinized for it. He's not supposed to be feeling things anyway, even though their last several encounters have led to him feeling a bit... odd, he supposes is the word he'd use.
Here they are now, and Add is putting that distance between them. A firm no, and Elsword respects it. Of course he does. He has to wonder if he's just got ideas in his head because everyone else does, or...
...
Well, it's not like he... wouldn't... kiss Add if Add wanted— brain stop that.]
You... uh, you probably wouldn't ever want to do something like that, huh?
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Add wheezes out a laugh, trying not to sound anxious (sounding really anxious).] Me? Romantically involved? Of course not. You're my patient, that would be wildly unprofessional, not to mention the power imbalance. It was just a simple misunderstanding, don't let it bother you so much.
[Besides, it's not like Elsword is strapped for suitors. He's seen the way Aisha ogles him. Eve, too... he spent years trying to make her look at him like that, so he'd know. And Elesis would probably kill him if he ever...
—not that he would. He's a scientist. His is a purely scientific interest.
... it's a pointless thing to dwell on, because he's sure Elsword doesn't think of him that way. He calls Add a friend, sure, and he's overwhelmingly kind and thoughtful... but Elsword is like that with just about everyone. It would be foolish to interpret his kindness towards Add as anything more.
That must be why Elsword sounds so awkward. His kindhearted nature is being misinterpreted as something romantic, possibly even sexual...
Ugh, they desperately need a topic change. Add clears his throat (again).]
Do you find the accusation embarrassing? ... That is an emotion. You're making good progress.
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